Author Archives: Abe Schwadron

How U: Wizards Season Preview + Predictions

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Hellooooo basketball! Forget the Wizards’ sobering first pre-season game, and only a slightly more encouraging second game—we have a whole 66-game season to complain about Andray Blatche and his poo-filled sneakers. Let’s be optimistic, shall we? New jerseys, new colors (GOD THEY’RE HOT), new court, new players, new year, new out-of-context highlights that are not at all indicative of the team’s success!

Behold, your 2011-2012 Washington Wizards roster. Okay, so on paper, it ain’t much. When your key acquisitions are Ronny Turiaf, Roger Mason Jr. and a grab bag of project rookies, and a forward combo of Blatche/Rashard Lewis is still projected to play big minutes, you’re not winning a title, or probably even more games than you’re going to lose.

But here at three two zone, we’re cautiously optimistic about the development of key cogs on the squad, and we have a big, well-chronicled man-crush on John Wall. That said, we don’t always agree. So to help preview the season and settle our continuing arguments about the future of the Wiz Kids, we present our season predictions, a random list of things to be answered this year. Weigh in with your answers in the comments section. We might read them. Or we might not. Happy NBAdays!

Team MVP
Abe: John Wall.
Struck: John Wall. He’s the franchise.

Most Improved Player
Abe: Jordan Crawford. Wall will improve light years and wouldn’t be surprised to see him win NBA MIP, but Crawford’s development will be huge this season for this franchise.
Struck: John Wall. See above.

Leading Scorer
Abe: Nick Young. 20+. And he’ll average less than 1 assist per game.
Struck: John Wall. See above.

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Let’s talk about Redskins things

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So, the Redskins lost to the 1-7 Dolphins yesterday, failing to score a touchdown (again) and looking generally godawful on offense (again). But hey, you were expecting that. The loss to Miami as a game itself means little, so let’s not waste space discussing why it was Mission: Impossible to stop Reggie Bush and why Graham Gano hasn’t been cut yet. Instead, let’s review a smattering of other Skins news and facts from the past 24 hours:

  • Last 3 games: 0 points, 11 points, 9 points. Last 5 games: 0 wins.
  • Rex Grossman is the starting QB once again. And people are excited.
  • But, Shanahan liked John Beck more than Cam Newton or Andy Dalton.
  • A day after his first 100-yd receiving day, Leonard Hankerson is on IR.
  • The Redskins forgot to suck this bad the first 4 weeks.

Jesus. Is this some kind of sick joke? Even for the Redskins, this is getting ridiculous. Not to say that I didn’t see it coming. We all did. You know why? Because this m-effing team has been the same since I was 7 years old. Turn over the coaching staff, revamp the roster, mix and match the jerseys all you want. For the last 15 years, the Washington Redskins have been the exact same team. Every snap. Every week. Every season.

10-15 points a game and how the defense can pull off a miracle. Three games over .500 to start the season before finishing 8-8 or worse. Big name coach brings in big name player(s), we get excited then fail miserably. Every week. Every season.

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Wishing for the Wizards

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These days, it seems I can’t post a blog item without beginning with a shameless plug. So here it is: go pick up SLAM #153, which contains my feature story on John Wall, including the above art. With that outta the way, let’s get to it…

Recently, my esteemed partner in bloggery offered the opinion that as Wizards fans, we ought to thank the NBAPA and the NBA’s Owners for mercilessly cutting part or all of a clearly doomed Washington basketball season. And while I wrote something vaguely similar over the summer, now that the lockout is in effect, I’m backtracking. As the resident hoops expert and noted John Wall apologist in the room, allow me to take a moment to provide a rebuttal. Let’s start here:

What is there really to gain from this season of Wizards basketball? Besides us as fans having to watch this team gets its brains bashed in on a nightly basis. 

We have to watch the Redskins, given the fact that an NFL season is 16 games long. If you’re a casual basketball fan, no one’s forcing you to hunker down and watch all 82 games. That said, as a Wizards fan, how can you not love watching Wall? If we ever get back on the court, this could be a big year for the kid. And it’s crucial in his development, working toward the all-important year three for a point guard. Which leads me to my next point.

Oh, you thought the additions of Jan Vesely, Chris Singleton and Shelvin Mack were suddenly going to turn this team into a contender? 

Of course not. No sane Wizards fan would make that argument. But I sure as hell would rather see what we’ve got in those guys than watch them do drills for 18 months. And I’d rather they take their lumps while they’re a year younger, not a year older and farther away from an organized basketball court. Next:

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Let’s fantasize for a moment

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Must be nice!

I type this to you in the 11th inning of at the conclusion of Game Six of the 2011 World Series, Rangers vs. Cardinals. This is was a ridiculously fantabulous baseball game. Set that fact aside for a moment, though, and come with me on a fantasy ride. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to thinking about how fans of teams in championship series or games must feel. Screw it, we always feel so damn crappy, we should be allowed to fake it for a few minutes, and imagine coming from a place that isn’t cursed with two lifetimes worth of sucktitude. The title win is a feeling I have never felt, save for the annual MSI Classic soccer league titles (word to the Takoma Rockets dynasty) and those couple Redskins Super Bowls when I was 3 and 4 years old.

I’ve said it before: if the Redskins, Wizards or Nationals win a world championship, I will cry. I will sob harder than I’ve ever sobbed in my life. I will weep in my father’s or my brother’s or my best friend’s arms. And I’m not ashamed to tell you that. It will be the end of a long, dark, near-suicidal journey for our generation of DC sports fans. Hell, it may never come. Which is why it’s fun to fantasize about.

So I ask my fellow miserable DC fans this: when you have alone time to yourself, perhaps laying in bed, looking up at the stars, which team do you fantasize about winning a title? Allow me to rank my personal fantasies:

1(a). Wizards — This is a selfish pick. I love hoops. And to see the Wiz pull of a 7-game series, presumably with John Wall leading the charge, would bring me a personal joy unlike any other I’ve felt in life. Even thinking about it makes me kinda teary-eyed. (Because it also has probably the least chance of happening.)

1(b). Redskins — The obvious community pick. DC would go apeshit. There would be pandemonium in the streets, beer overflowing every bar from Silver Spring to Vienna, and probably a mass bon fire to burn leftover Haynesworth, McNabb, Ramsey, J. Taylor, Hall and Brunell jerseys.

2. Nationals —Strasburg throwing cheddar in late October? Talk dirty to me. The best thing about fantasizing re: the Nats is that it’d take a long, amazing season to do it. There’s no catching fire in baseball. That team would have to be a juggernaut…and not have Tony LaRussa as manager.

3. Capitals — I will attend the parade. I will be hammered drunk. And it actually might happen. But I can assure you, my blogmate will be the one whimpering with joy. Hockey just ain’t my bag, baby!

Chris Cooley destroys Dallas fans on Twitter, and we say Thank You

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Just one example of Cooley's reponses to idiotic Dallas fans on Twitter.

This is an emergency blog post. Stop what you are doing and read Chris Cooley’s latest blog entry. If you aren’t caught up on the entire situation, Chris will bring you up to speed. And then you will laugh your ass off throughout the remainder of the post.

Cooley might have seen a dip in production, and with the improved play of Fred Davis some fans have even called to trade CC47. But it’s moments like these when you’re proud to have a guy like Cooley on your favorite team. When he breaks down the walls between athlete, media, and common man, and just goes HAM.

When he fights for his team, his teammates, his fans all in the face of idiotic media-driven campaigns to anoint opposing players as gods. Thank you Chris Cooley for not “apologizing,” Thank you for standing behind what you said, because it was hilarious, and so so right! Aside from his hilarious wisecracks, this line of his blog entry stood out to me most:

“ I will never make an apology to any offended Dallas fans and I expect every Redskin fan to cheer at the folly of a Cowboy.”

Preach, Chris. We’re with ya.

John Wall at #25 on SLAMOnline’s Top 50

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I know it’s Redskins season, but since shameless promotion has never been beneath me, I have to send you over to SLAMOnline to read my write-up of John Wall as part of the site’s Top 50 series. Wall ranked at #25 heading into this season—I think a good spot for him, with room to jump even higher in the years to come. From the lucky chances I’ve had to see Wall in person this summer, he looks very, very impressive.

As for the write-up, I wrote it from the heart of a DC sports fan, so many of you should be able to appreciate. Click on the picture above to read, or click here. And hit the comments section to let me know what you think of the write-up, Wall’s ranking, how you’re going to deal with the NBA’s impending lockout, or whatever else.

What the hell just happened? MNF-edition!

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The play. (AP Photo)

Dear fellow Redskins fans,

I’m in no state to talk rationally about what just happened. Luckily, most of what I want to say, I’ve already written. I already told you earlier this week that this would happen. And my thoughts on DeAngelo Hall are well documented. Hall—by the way—has already blamed his god awful coverage skills on Jim Haslett’s playcalling, which, while stupid, does not excuse a man who claims to be on the of the NFL’s best at his position giving up a 25-yard completion in the most critical moment of a must-have game.

If I was Brian Orakpo, Laron Landry or London Fletcher, I might quit the team tonight.

Last side note: the Cowboys are not a good team, and Tony Romo did not play well. 6 field goals, 0 touchdowns, a gazillion off-target throws and ESPN wants to make this guy the world’s greatest. It’s enough to make me puke on my keyboard right now.

Shaking with anger,

Abe.

The Redskins are 2-0, and so goes the annual tease

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I want to believe, but I can't...yet.

The Redskins are 2-0, and are alone in 1st place in the NFC East. And thus is the ever-speeding, unbraking roller coaster that is the life of a Washington football fan. Here we are again: the temptation to believe in this team is back, and yet as soon as we give in, they will inevitably disappoint, and do so in disastrous fashion.

Usually, every Redskins season takes on the same form. It begins with some excitement, and then it just basically results in us as fans deciding which week of the NFL schedule between 8 and 12 we can go ahead and totally give up on the season. Some years, it’s sooner, others deeper into the season. But every season, you know it’s going to end. And with Rex (on Rex on Rex) Grossman taking the snaps this season, it can only end with one of the league’s most epic and horrifying flameouts.

Until then, though, we’re forced to go through the motions. Should we beat Dallas on Monday night, the bandwagon will be full to the brim. The jerseys will pop up everywhere, as will the Facebook statuses, Redskins fans full of false pride. It’s actually sad. If the Skins front office were, say, competent. Or, say, not run by Dan Snyder, we’d have a right to be siced. But when you watch the same football team for 12 seasons in a row, you should know better.

I won’t believe the Redskins are a legit team unless Week 10 rolls around and we’re still sitting pretty in first, and Mike Kafka is still the Eagles starter (Northwestern!).

Week 1 was an aberration. Why? Because not once in the second half did I do any of the following things: Continue reading →

Skins 28, Giants 14: What to make of Week 1

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Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Joy to the world. The Washington Redskins are shockingly, improbably, stunningly, 1-0. Okay, so it’s not that big a shocker (pause). But no man, woman or child in Redskin Nation was betting the house that the Skins would ease past the Giants like they did in the second half of yesterday’s 28-14 victory. Rex Grossman outplayed his reputation, Tim Hightower emerged as the feature back, and the defense shut down a pair of high-flying receivers. The reward: a 1-0 record and getting to see the “Eli” face in mid-season form. If you missed the tag-team Twitter assault we performed during the game, you can read the backlogs here (and of course give us a kind follow while you’re at it). To summarize, here are a smattering of quick, probably incorrect takeaway thoughts from Sunday’s game:

Rex Grossman wasn’t god awful. It’s true. Despite starting 0-for-4 and some Twitterverse grumblings for John Beck, Rex stood his ground and kept the offense moving. Whether it was the Giants banged up defense, an improved receiving corps, or Rex himself, pass-catchers seemed to have a 5-yard radius to themselves at all times, and Rex put the ball where it was supposed to be. He fumbled just once, and it didn’t end up hurting. For now, you’re okay Rex. And for that, John Beck is pissed! #RexOnRexOnRex.

Meet your workhorse, Tim Hightower. 25 carries for #25, and just 1 carry for anyone else (Roy Helu). And he looked good, too. A touchdown to go with 72 yards, and while that’s not a great average per carry, he kept the Giants D honest, tired out the defensive line, and his dreads looked great blowing in the wind.  Continue reading →

A closer, lockout-style look at John Wall’s progress

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I had the pleasure of attending an exclusive event at Reebok headquarters in Boston earlier in the week hosted by John Wall. You can check out my write-up for SLAM Magazine here. Shameless self-promotion aside, as a Wizards fan, I couldn’t help but take a closer look at Wall, trying to figure out what he’s been working on, how he looks physically, and what kind of attitude he brought to the event.

Seeing Wall in person, his physical gifts are striking. He’s taller and more solidly built than he looks on a TV broadcast. His arms are long and defined, and his hands are huge. His speed is breathtaking. Yes, I’m fawning over this dude, but when he went coast-to-coast multiple times against top high school and NBA talent in a full court game, I was impressed. He got to the rim so easily and finished with such creativity that he looked to be two gears ahead of every other player on the court (which included Jason Terry and Jameer Nelson). Wall flew up the court and refused to let anything stop him on the way to the cup.

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